allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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