It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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