Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
