Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
