Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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