how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
kristin has been a bad kristin
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
