Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
