The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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