Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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