i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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