I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
