We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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