sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
