You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
