Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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