youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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