I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
why do cheetos always look like penises
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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