You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
