I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
