Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
