I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
