I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
