I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
