I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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