Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
