I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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