I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
