Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
