i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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