I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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