im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
