My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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