I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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