I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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