Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
