I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
