i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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