I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I need water and some morals
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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