I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
