They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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