i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
