I must be too annoying 4 u.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
