We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
