Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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