I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
