as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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