a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
