And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
