my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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