I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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