Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
