How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
