just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
